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Now, I'm going to tell you about my story. I'm getting used to received the body shaming since I was kid. I usually received the comments about my body from my inner circle which is my family and relatives. It hurts my heart and my confident level because all they know is teasing about my body shape. Alasan biasa mereka beri adalah, "Ouh we are trying to help you. Take it as positive side. We want you to lose weight." But trust me,it just another reason for them to body shame me. Usually, they will joke about my weight and sometimes acah acah bergurau dengan memanggil nama samaran such as "Elephant", The Blue Hippo (TM's icon in early 2000's), Ikan Paus, Gemuk etc. It does effects me. I have no confident level, I always feels that I'm ugly and I don't deserve to be love as I'm fat. To be honest, I'm the most chubby in my family but that doesn't means I deserve to be treated like that just because of my body appearance. Another reason why I get depressed and only for this year I manage to control it.
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I had enough when one day I want to try this kuih raya but I kena sergah and I wasn't allowed to taste any kind of kuih raya sampai I kempunan. Alasannya, " we care for you and we doesn't want you to be fat". Of course I was crying like baby sebab rasa macam terasa sangat. I sampai rasa tak kan lah orang gemuk pun tak boleh nak ada perasaan. Come on, we are humans and all of us has feelings and emotions. Disebabkan peristiwa itu, kalau tiba musim raya jer,I dah tak usik sangat biskut raya. To my suprise, last week ada jamuan yang dihidangkan dengan beberapa biskut raya pun I tak usik langsung. Nampak kan betapa ia memberi impact to me. LOL. Now back to my story, lepas kena insult, I pun terus jadi emosi. I was crying non stop all the way from kampung going back to KL. Sampai bengkak mata. Nampak kan kesan body shame towards me.
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Kalau I nak cerita pengalaman body shame I nie, rasanya tak cukup nak cerita pada malam ini. Bukan itu sahaja, ada juga few men trying to approach me and ada yang beri komen 'Awak nampak cantik kalau kurus." But at the end that guy choose another girl that was way bigger than me but still sempat body shame I (I don't blame that girl). To be honest, I rasa penat. I asyik kena body shame tak kira lah from my inner circle or from strangers. Walhal I tak kacau hidup orang but these people love to give comments about me. Now you know why I'm so damn trying hard to get fit so that I won't receive any comments about my body. But don't forget, whatever shapes, people still love to body shame.
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Now KKM dah keluarkan notis bahawa body shame adalah perbuatan jenayah. Yeahhhhhhh.
So, kalau ada yang body shame you, tunjuk jer poster nie. Confirm berpeluh dahi nak bayar denda kalau ada yang report.
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Kesilapan I dulu adalah membiarkan mereka komen about my body sampai I hilang keyakinan diri, benci dengan diri sendiri sampai ke tahap pernah fikir untuk bunuh diri. I pernah achieve berat 56kg dan masa tue memang kurus. During that time I was hoping that they will stop teasing about my body but I was wrong. I still received the comments about my body sampai I rasa fed up. Pernah lah I nak menderma darah dan ada uncle cakap I gemuk walhal masa tue I berat 56kg and fit sebab hari hari exercise. Ada juga seorang abang nie komen, body I macam mak mak when I was 18 years old. Auch, it hurts deep in my heart. So, I fed up, I gained weight until 95kg.
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So, don't listen to them. My advice, never listen to them whatever their comments about your body. Know what you do and be firm. Whatever it is, love yourself first. Never let anyone comments about your appearance.
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The truth is:
When I was 56kg- somebody still called me fat.
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When I was 95kg- of course masih dipanggil dengan pelbagai gelaran. Siap kena sergah sebab nak cuba makan biskut raya.
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After losing some weight and in process to lose more- masih ada yang berani nak body shame sis.
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Pengajarannya, kalau ada yang body shame, lawan balik. Actually boleh kena denda dan penjara kalau suka body shame orang. Aiyok.
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Forgive yourself,accept yourself and love yourself. No one should judge about you.
Regards,
Ally Alifah
